F Is For Fresno

by Brian Kenney Fresno

/
1.
DARK LOSER HOLE Oh let's drink some beer Till we all just fall down And we'll get so damn drunk That we wake up the whole town As we puke in the streets Get it all on our feets And the neighbors won't care We'll assault them if they stare And we'll piss on their lawn As we drink until dawn Cause we've got no jobs We're just sick drunken slobs So let's all fall into that dark loser hole now Drink some beer, go fall down And we'll all yell real LOUD!!!
2.
Cydney Stole My Kidney (When I Was Lookin Out For My Heart) I met her on the Eurorail seemed like a long lost friend we were young and single traveling alone Her name was Cydney Debenedetto and it turned out she was somebody from Fresno and we quickly fell in love like in "When Harry Met Sally" But then two days out of Amsterdam after drinking and dancing all night my vision suddenly got all fuzzy and the room started spinning all white I woke up in a hotel bathtub packed to the rim with ice a note left explaining my situation and the prognosis wasn't nice because CYDNEY STOLE MY KIDNEY WHEN I WAS LOOKING OUT FOR MY HEART Cydney i love you still and i forgive you in my heart I promise to keep an eye out for you baby it just makes me sad that we're apart (My kidney and I)
3.
!BOBBY SALAZAR! From the central San Joaquin valley And a town called fresno Came the visionary restauranteur formed a chain of eateries in and around the town when a contraversial incident threatened to take him down But he's makin killer tacos burritos and such it's what the tower district needed gives it that special touch CHUPACABRA nachos, goatsucker grilled just right BIG OL tortas, and the salsa's outta sight So he arranged to have his pickup stolen People do it all the time Now I think of insurance companies when I think of criminals Now who hasn't been guilty Of getting carried away with greed It's what the country's built on And tryin to fill a need like !BOBBY SALAZAR! Well at least he admitted it accepted the blame Was it courage or stupidity? Few of us would do the same Now is he a petty criminal Or embattled restaurateur? Let's leave the judging up to god And go and have a beer at !BOBBY SALAZAR'S! Shredded beef and cheese quesedilla on a corn tortilla 2.95 tangy house salsa complimentary per order tostada compuesta 3.95 combination plates with mexican rice and beans choice of four items 6.95 student monster burrito show your current school I.D. card choice of 4 items 3.65 FANCY burritos 5.50 Half FANCY 4.75 Asada steak and prawn super combination 9.95 Chile verde 725 CHUPACABRA 6.66 Chimichanga 6.95 A super friendly staff And rico tacos 4 for 2.50 So take a date and don't be late And you'll be dinin thrifty at !BOBBY SALAZAR'S! don't care what the newspapers say that you are ditched that pickup truck and got yourself a bitchin' car makin people happy with a restaurant and a bar I will sing your praises in the cities near and far
4.
He's a crazy psycho fellow Seen him for years around the town Riding that bicycle around Psychotic laughter, wild look in the eye Neither a smile or frown Hair of a madman, teeth of a ghoul Speaks in his own cryptic tongue As he rides around in circles for hours on end I've been afraid of him since I was young Cause he's a CRAZY PSYCHO, HE'S A CRAZY PSYCHO FELLOW (lyric phases) One day he rode up When I could'nt flee Babbling on and on incoherently But my fear turned to sorrow When I realized All he needed was love like you and me (but he's a CRAZY PSYCHO, HE'S A CRAZY PSYCHO FELLOW! (Jump up and kill your friend! It's the happiest thing that you can do!) Cause you never know which side they're working for! Make his life come to an end!
5.
That's Who! 03:50
THAT'S WHO! From the crystal ice cathedrals Of a mystic land called Sweden Came the pyrotechnic wizard rising star Fulfillment of the prophecies traveled wide and far Shred master wanker god We know who you are He's Yngwie Fucking Malmsteen THAT'S WHO! YAAAAAAA! He's the fastest newest sorcerer In the holy metal kingdom Sweep picks arpeggios at flashing lightning speed He's like totally neo-classical dude He kicks your ass with each etude Classically trained as a child! But now he's out and running wild His Gothic scales leave us beguiled His blinding vision bathes us in the dark He's a hexaphonic composer A rocker not a poser Stravinsky just step your ass aside! He's Yngwie Fucking Malmsteen THAT'S WHO! YAAAAAAA!
6.
Time Lady 05:17
Time lady I love you I'm in love with you When I finally found the nerve to call That day on the telephone Didn't have a single friend I was feeling so alone You made me so at ease When I asked you if you please Had some time for me to spare You really seemed to care And now you're always there When I need someone to talk to Or just a friendly voice That I can sometimes call my own One morning when I called you And you never picked up the phone You know I had to wonder girl If you spent the night alone I double triple checked the number But any last four will do But then you *69'd me And we talked and laughed the whole day through Though we've never really met I've never felt a love so real Can't try and make excuses girl For the way you make me feel You're always so polite Though you stay up every night Just waiting for me to call And through it all You've made me fall In love so deeply With a voice I'll never know Could we please just have coffee some time?
7.
Big Tujunga 04:30
BIG TUJUNGA The tiny little dog on the windswept moonscape BIG TUJUNGA From the mountains of northeast LA BIG TUJUNGA Coulda been a frozen hot dog roadscrape BIG TUJUNGA Didn't know a treasure when they threw away Hey there loser asshole! I found your dying pet She was right there where you dumped her As pathetic as you can get She was starving, she hadn't eaten She was cowering cause she was beaten She was trembling cause she was freezing It's a sad tale, no I'm not teasing It was starting to rain And it caused me to much pain To leave her there to a harsh and certain death Well I really couldn't say no So I brought her back to Fresno She adopted me It was meant to be And it's why I'm here to tell the tale of
8.
SIDEWALK DENTISTRY Sailing in the northern south pacific Caught a yard arm in the mouth Knocked a couple of my teeth out As the wind shifted around from the south In an ancient Chinese fishing village Just where I'm still not sure Herbs and incantations I was offered as a cure Now Western modern medicine Had only yet to make it there And sidewalk dentistry Is what made me really care Now we're talkin no antisthetic And a rusty foot pumped drill Sat me down and strapped me in I have nightmares about it still.. Now the things not even sharpened Or since 1965 I did'nt know if I'd make it out alive So me made me up this bridgework With this new experimental filling He was bragging to his assistant As he held my head back-a-drilling Now my tongue just won't leave alone This weird consistency And when I move my head just right I pick up radio frequencies Sidewalk dentistry Didn't work to well for me Though it's cheap or nearly free You gets just what you pays for Sidewalk dentistry A serious lack of technology I pick up radio frequencies When I hold my head just right Fight or flee came over me As that sadist set in action Laughing and singing Enjoying everything The power of the pain he was causing And I remember how big that drill was And you could see how the shaft was bent Carving flesh and slicing bone Couldn't believe how slow it went I lost all perception of time and space....................... IT'S HARD TO CONCENTRATE WHEN THEY'RE POUNDING ON YOUR FACE! Though it hurt like hell for years I guess it looks o.k. But the radio just drives me crazy Cause it just won't go away
9.
They're Point and Stash The Stoner Detectives Go looking for suspects With a special perspective Cause when they're at the scene of the crime You know they're getting stoned all the time They've lost all short term memory skills That latest batch of Indica kills They're turnin up clues While smokin some pot The same ones as last week But then they forgot They're Point and Stash the Stoner Detectives Road trip to Utah We're seein the sights Drive in the daytime And camping at night Tried to feed the wild life one night They stole our utensils once we're outta sight A wolf!(no a reindeer!)coyote, a crow Nabbed our cookware struck a cruel blow! Stash says it's a fox Point thinks it's a raccoon We gave up the biscuit Now give the lid back soon They're Point and Stash the Stoner Detectives! But when the weed ran out They/we went runnin back to California Where the buds and brews Are waitin at Stash's house It's where the liberal laws make Marijuana fun and easy It' only 3/2 days away if you're drivin as fast as you can After it's rainy The road gets all slick Said the sexy park lady After smokin some dick The only two rangers for hundreds of miles Both leavin now with some ear to ear smiles But Point and Stash they see right through Because they're lookin to get some of that too! So petite sexy ranger We're drivin on through Don't try to scare us Cause you wanna screw They're Point and Stash(ya know….. see above ) And when they're tracking down a thief The chances are they're burnin a spleef Investigating a criminal deed Is where you'll find them smokin some weed Because they're turnin up clues While smokin some pot Same ones as last week But then they forgot...... (action figures sold separately!)
10.
Okie Wife 03:14
Well she's my okie wife Okie wife, okie wife OKIE WIFE, OKIE WIFE! She's the lady in my life She's my okie wife Met her at the race track during BARGOOMA! The monster truck she seemed so hot and bothered so I asked her if she'd like to see my tattoo sportin elvis in a bloody crown of thorns we went back to my motel, drank some beer and watched some porns, now she's my.... got a meth lab in the basement, growin weed out in the yard baby cribs between the trailers, and a pit bull keeping guard o'er the still fer makin moonshine, and the seven rusty cars the Enquirer's in the outhouse, and she flies the stars and bars, and she's my... I beat her in the morning, make luuv to her at night She knows she makes me do it, and she knows I'm always right One day she says she'll poison me, or kill me in my sleep Our sisters say they'll help her, cause they think I'm such a creep, but she's my...
11.
20 minutes North down Highway 99 is the place where they make the fabulous Gallo wine it's Fresno's own backwards country cousin MADERA! MADERA! It's the one place people in Fresno are glad that they're not from Well you know we got a Big Ol cake a culture They haven't even got a crumb They only just got public schools there So everybody's really dumb But if you need heroin or hookers, You go there to getcha some! MADERA! MADERA! Now Madera was founded in 1929 As a place of banishment from Fresno (MADERA! MADERA! YOU'RE A LOT JUST LIKE AUSTRALIA!) Keep all them Maderans on the other side of the San Joaquin It's the only thing that'll ever keep the Fresno county clean a those: Inbred, Podunk, redneck rubes And their cattle thievin ways well the river might wash the scum off, But the stink that's on em stays , Cause they're from MADERA! MADERA! If the name itself don't scare ya! MADERA! MADERA! Go there hippie I double dare ya! MADERA! MADERA! Them an fresno's quite a paira.. MADERA! MADERA! Kick yer ass an cut yer hair MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA! MADERA! MADERA! If the name itself don't scare ya MADERA! MADERA! Cowboy hat and a pistol weara MADERA! MADERA! Kick yer ass and cut yer haira MADERA! MADERA! Men are men and sheep are scare-da (INSERT "MOTHER FUCKIN COWBOY" by my dead friend Tony Tapian, who was killed in Madera county) "I kiss the girls, and I fill their mouth with spit" and MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA! Well their drunken sheriff he just got caught Passed out in a Sacramento parking lot The man that declares an annual war against pot Blood alcohol twice the legal limit in a Madera county car Charged with D.U.I. and reckless driving, Made even worse the situation, Got the Sacramento Stink-eye with the department of transportation, Now the Amtrak don't even stop there cause the greyhound got threats in the mail.... Even my cousin Harley moved away Last month, when he got out of jail MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA! MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA! YEAH! My god! MY GOD! My truck!!, MY TRUCK!! Ma god!!! MY GOD!!! Ma truck!!!! MA TRUCK!!!! Ma god!!!!! MY GOD!!!!! Ma truck!!!!!! MY TRUCK!!!!!!, MADERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

about

My 2nd CD, the first about Fresno. Recorded live at Polymorph Studios in 1999 directly after my 1st national tour. Considered to be my White Album.

credits

released April 20, 2000

Features happy well fed, drunken singers. Mark Growden and many more.

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about

Brian Kenney Fresno Fresno, California

My name is Brian Kenney Fresno, and I have this super fun solo ROCK show
where I sing modern TALES of urban legends and epics of the absurd- in a
sing along format, mostly about Fresno Ca, my home town, and everytime I say
"Fresno", everybody eats the raisins and says "WHOOO!" in a group
experience.
It's really fun!
Everybody laughs a lot!
... more

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