F Is For Fresno

by Brian Kenney Fresno

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about

My 2nd CD, the first about Fresno. Recorded live at Polymorph Studios in 1999 directly after my 1st national tour. Considered to be my White Album.

credits

released April 20, 2000

Features happy well fed, drunken singers. Mark Growden and many more.

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about

Brian Kenney Fresno Fresno, California

My name is Brian Kenney Fresno, and I have this super fun solo ROCK show
where I sing modern TALES of urban legends and epics of the absurd- in a
sing along format, mostly about Fresno Ca, my home town, and everytime I say
"Fresno", everybody eats the raisins and says "WHOOO!" in a group
experience.
It's really fun!
Everybody laughs a lot!
... more

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Track Name: Dark Loser Hole
DARK LOSER HOLE

Oh let's drink some beer
Till we all just fall down
And we'll get so damn drunk
That we wake up the whole town

As we puke in the streets
Get it all on our feets
And the neighbors won't care
We'll assault them if they stare

And we'll piss on their lawn
As we drink until dawn
Cause we've got no jobs
We're just sick drunken slobs

So let's all fall into that
dark loser hole now
Drink some beer, go fall down
And we'll all yell real LOUD!!!
Track Name: CydneyStole My Kidney (When I Was Looking Out For My Heart)
Cydney Stole My Kidney (When I Was Lookin Out For My Heart)

I met her on the Eurorail
seemed like a long lost friend
we were young and single traveling alone
Her name was Cydney Debenedetto
and it turned out she was somebody from Fresno
and we quickly fell in love
like in "When Harry Met Sally"

But then two days out of Amsterdam
after drinking and dancing all night
my vision suddenly got all fuzzy
and the room started spinning all white

I woke up in a hotel bathtub
packed to the rim with ice
a note left explaining my situation
and the prognosis wasn't nice because

CYDNEY STOLE MY KIDNEY
WHEN I WAS LOOKING OUT FOR MY HEART

Cydney i love you still
and i forgive you in my heart
I promise to keep an eye out for you baby
it just makes me sad that we're apart
(My kidney and I)
Track Name: Bobby Salazar!
!BOBBY SALAZAR!

From the central San Joaquin valley
And a town called fresno
Came the visionary restauranteur
formed a chain of eateries
in and around the town
when a contraversial incident threatened to take him down

But he's makin killer tacos burritos and such
it's what the tower district needed
gives it that special touch
CHUPACABRA nachos, goatsucker grilled just right
BIG OL tortas, and the salsa's outta sight

So he arranged to have his pickup stolen
People do it all the time
Now I think of insurance companies when I think of criminals
Now who hasn't been guilty
Of getting carried away with greed
It's what the country's built on
And tryin to fill a need like

!BOBBY SALAZAR!

Well at least he admitted it accepted the blame
Was it courage or stupidity?
Few of us would do the same
Now is he a petty criminal
Or embattled restaurateur?
Let's leave the judging up to god
And go and have a beer at

!BOBBY SALAZAR'S!

Shredded beef and cheese quesedilla on a corn tortilla 2.95
tangy house salsa complimentary per order
tostada compuesta 3.95
combination plates with mexican rice and beans
choice of four items 6.95

student monster burrito
show your current school I.D. card
choice of 4 items 3.65

FANCY burritos 5.50
Half FANCY 4.75
Asada steak and prawn super combination 9.95
Chile verde 725
CHUPACABRA 6.66
Chimichanga 6.95

A super friendly staff
And rico tacos 4 for 2.50
So take a date and don't be late
And you'll be dinin thrifty at

!BOBBY SALAZAR'S!

don't care what the newspapers say that you are
ditched that pickup truck and got yourself a bitchin' car
makin people happy with a restaurant and a bar
I will sing your praises in the cities near and far
Track Name: Crazy Psycho (Jump Up And Kill Your Friends)
He's a crazy psycho fellow

Seen him for years around the town
Riding that bicycle around
Psychotic laughter, wild look in the eye
Neither a smile or frown
Hair of a madman, teeth of a ghoul
Speaks in his own cryptic tongue
As he rides around in circles for hours on end
I've been afraid of him since I was young
Cause he's a

CRAZY PSYCHO, HE'S A CRAZY PSYCHO FELLOW (lyric phases)

One day he rode up
When I could'nt flee
Babbling on and on incoherently
But my fear turned to sorrow
When I realized
All he needed was love like you and me
(but he's a
CRAZY PSYCHO, HE'S A CRAZY PSYCHO FELLOW!

(Jump up and kill your friend!
It's the happiest thing that you can do!)
Cause you never know which side they're working for!
Make his life come to an end!
Track Name: That's Who!
THAT'S WHO!

From the crystal ice cathedrals
Of a mystic land called Sweden
Came the pyrotechnic wizard rising star
Fulfillment of the prophecies traveled wide and far
Shred master wanker god
We know who you are

He's Yngwie Fucking Malmsteen
THAT'S WHO!
YAAAAAAA!

He's the fastest newest sorcerer
In the holy metal kingdom
Sweep picks arpeggios at flashing lightning speed
He's like totally neo-classical dude
He kicks your ass with each etude
Classically trained as a child!

But now he's out and running wild
His Gothic scales leave us beguiled
His blinding vision bathes us in the dark
He's a hexaphonic composer
A rocker not a poser
Stravinsky just step your ass aside!

He's Yngwie Fucking Malmsteen
THAT'S WHO!
YAAAAAAA!
Track Name: Time Lady
Time lady I love you
I'm in love with you

When I finally found the nerve to call
That day on the telephone
Didn't have a single friend
I was feeling so alone
You made me so at ease
When I asked you if you please
Had some time for me to spare
You really seemed to care
And now you're always there
When I need someone to talk to
Or just a friendly voice
That I can sometimes call my own

One morning when I called you
And you never picked up the phone
You know I had to wonder girl
If you spent the night alone
I double triple checked the number
But any last four will do
But then you *69'd me
And we talked and laughed the whole day through

Though we've never really met
I've never felt a love so real
Can't try and make excuses girl
For the way you make me feel
You're always so polite
Though you stay up every night
Just waiting for me to call
And through it all
You've made me fall
In love so deeply
With a voice I'll never know
Could we please just have coffee some time?
Track Name: Big Tujunga
BIG TUJUNGA
The tiny little dog on the windswept moonscape
BIG TUJUNGA
From the mountains of northeast LA
BIG TUJUNGA
Coulda been a frozen hot dog roadscrape
BIG TUJUNGA
Didn't know a treasure when they threw away

Hey there loser asshole!
I found your dying pet
She was right there where you dumped her
As pathetic as you can get

She was starving, she hadn't eaten
She was cowering cause she was beaten
She was trembling cause she was freezing
It's a sad tale, no I'm not teasing

It was starting to rain
And it caused me to much pain
To leave her there to a harsh and certain death

Well I really couldn't say no
So I brought her back to Fresno
She adopted me
It was meant to be
And it's why I'm here to tell the tale of
Track Name: Sidewalk Dentistry
SIDEWALK DENTISTRY

Sailing in the northern south pacific
Caught a yard arm in the mouth
Knocked a couple of my teeth out
As the wind shifted around from the south

In an ancient Chinese fishing village
Just where I'm still not sure
Herbs and incantations
I was offered as a cure

Now Western modern medicine
Had only yet to make it there
And sidewalk dentistry
Is what made me really care

Now we're talkin no antisthetic
And a rusty foot pumped drill
Sat me down and strapped me in
I have nightmares about it still..
Now the things not even sharpened
Or since 1965
I did'nt know if I'd make it out alive

So me made me up this bridgework
With this new experimental filling
He was bragging to his assistant
As he held my head back-a-drilling
Now my tongue just won't leave alone
This weird consistency
And when I move my head just right
I pick up radio frequencies

Sidewalk dentistry
Didn't work to well for me
Though it's cheap or nearly free
You gets just what you pays for
Sidewalk dentistry
A serious lack of technology
I pick up radio frequencies
When I hold my head just right

Fight or flee came over me
As that sadist set in action
Laughing and singing
Enjoying everything
The power of the pain he was causing

And I remember how big that drill was
And you could see how the shaft was bent
Carving flesh and slicing bone
Couldn't believe how slow it went
I lost all perception of time and space.......................

IT'S HARD TO CONCENTRATE WHEN THEY'RE POUNDING ON YOUR FACE!

Though it hurt like hell for years
I guess it looks o.k.
But the radio just drives me crazy
Cause it just won't go away
Track Name: Stoner Detectives
They're Point and Stash
The Stoner Detectives
Go looking for suspects
With a special perspective

Cause when they're at the scene of the crime
You know they're getting stoned all the time
They've lost all short term memory skills
That latest batch of Indica kills

They're turnin up clues
While smokin some pot
The same ones as last week
But then they forgot
They're Point and Stash the Stoner Detectives

Road trip to Utah
We're seein the sights
Drive in the daytime
And camping at night

Tried to feed the wild life one night
They stole our utensils once we're outta sight
A wolf!(no a reindeer!)coyote, a crow
Nabbed our cookware struck a cruel blow!

Stash says it's a fox
Point thinks it's a raccoon
We gave up the biscuit
Now give the lid back soon
They're Point and Stash the Stoner Detectives!

But when the weed ran out
They/we went runnin back to California
Where the buds and brews
Are waitin at Stash's house
It's where the liberal laws make
Marijuana fun and easy
It' only 3/2 days away if you're drivin as fast as you can

After it's rainy
The road gets all slick
Said the sexy park lady
After smokin some dick
The only two rangers for hundreds of miles
Both leavin now with some ear to ear smiles
But Point and Stash they see right through
Because they're lookin to get some of that too!

So petite sexy ranger
We're drivin on through
Don't try to scare us
Cause you wanna screw
They're Point and Stash(ya know….. see above )

And when they're tracking down a thief
The chances are they're burnin a spleef
Investigating a criminal deed
Is where you'll find them smokin some weed

Because they're turnin up clues
While smokin some pot
Same ones as last week
But then they forgot......

(action figures sold separately!)
Track Name: Okie Wife
Well she's my okie wife
Okie wife, okie wife
OKIE WIFE, OKIE WIFE!
She's the lady in my life
She's my okie wife

Met her at the race track during BARGOOMA! The monster truck
she seemed so hot and bothered so I asked her if she'd like to
see my tattoo sportin elvis in a bloody crown of thorns
we went back to my motel, drank some beer and watched some porns, now she's my....

got a meth lab in the basement, growin weed out in the yard
baby cribs between the trailers, and a pit bull keeping guard
o'er the still fer makin moonshine, and the seven rusty cars
the Enquirer's in the outhouse, and she flies the stars and bars, and she's my...

I beat her in the morning, make luuv to her at night
She knows she makes me do it, and she knows I'm always right
One day she says she'll poison me, or kill me in my sleep
Our sisters say they'll help her, cause they think I'm such a creep,
but she's my...
Track Name: Ma Dog, Ma Truck, Madera.
20 minutes North down Highway 99
is the place where they make the fabulous Gallo wine
it's Fresno's own backwards country cousin
MADERA! MADERA!

It's the one place people in Fresno
are glad that they're not from
Well you know we got a Big Ol cake a culture
They haven't even got a crumb
They only just got public schools there
So everybody's really dumb
But if you need heroin or hookers,
You go there to getcha some!

MADERA!
MADERA!

Now Madera was founded in 1929
As a place of banishment from Fresno
(MADERA! MADERA!
YOU'RE A LOT JUST LIKE AUSTRALIA!)
Keep all them Maderans
on the other side of the San Joaquin
It's the only thing that'll ever keep
the Fresno county clean
a those:
Inbred, Podunk, redneck rubes
And their cattle thievin ways
well the river might wash the scum off,
But the stink that's on em stays ,
Cause they're from

MADERA! MADERA!
If the name itself don't scare ya!
MADERA! MADERA!
Go there hippie I double dare ya!
MADERA! MADERA!
Them an fresno's quite a paira..
MADERA! MADERA!
Kick yer ass an cut yer hair
MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA!

MADERA! MADERA!
If the name itself don't scare ya
MADERA! MADERA!
Cowboy hat and a pistol weara
MADERA! MADERA!
Kick yer ass and cut yer haira
MADERA! MADERA!
Men are men and sheep are scare-da

(INSERT "MOTHER FUCKIN COWBOY"
by my dead friend Tony Tapian, who was killed in Madera county)

"I kiss the girls, and I fill their mouth with spit"
and
MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA!

Well their drunken sheriff he just got caught
Passed out in a Sacramento parking lot
The man that declares an annual war against pot
Blood alcohol twice the legal limit in a Madera county car
Charged with D.U.I. and reckless driving,
Made even worse the situation,
Got the Sacramento Stink-eye
with the department of transportation,
Now the Amtrak don't even stop there
cause the greyhound got threats in the mail....
Even my cousin Harley moved away
Last month, when he got out of jail


MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA!
MA DOG, MA TRUCK, MADERA!

YEAH!
My god! MY GOD! My truck!!, MY TRUCK!! Ma god!!! MY GOD!!! Ma truck!!!! MA
TRUCK!!!! Ma god!!!!! MY GOD!!!!! Ma truck!!!!!! MY TRUCK!!!!!!,
MADERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!